Why is it?

Why is it that when one stops going to church the others assume they are in sin, but when attendance drops during the warm summer months there is no thought of a sinful heart?

Why is it that if one attends church but doesn't participate in at least one other weekly program then they are considered to be there simply to sooth there sinful souls, but if one dives in making church of the highest of priorities they are considered a fanatic to the point of being unloving, sinful and out of touch with what people really need?

Why is it that John the baptist who "came neither eating or drinking" was said to have a demon, but Jesus who "came eating and drinking" was said to be "a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!"?  (Matthew 11:18-19)

Why is it that the world instinctively knows they are wicked but the church feels obligated to point it out?

Why is it that the church begs for Grace, but refuses to give it to those on the outside?

Why is it that the cities where Jesus did miracles are the same cities that refused to repent? (Matthew 11:20-24)

Why do these questions sound so wrong, so backwards?

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot.  So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.  Because you say, "I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing," and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked...Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.

~ Revelation 3:15-17 & 19

Coffee invite

When hard moments last for days resulting in a needed break from the here and now, dramatic steps need to be taken.  Finding myself in this position I sent a quick text inviting my Bestie out for coffee.  For young Mommas this kind of outing comes far and few between cause two families to rearrange life for two people to sit sipping coffee talking of the heart without the interruptions that little people bring.  And yet she one upped me turning coffee into dinner.

We sat in this cozy little restaurant splurging on soda as this was a "birthday, forget the world night out".  As we sat together she asked many questions listened quietly and then asked more.  Only when she saw the depths of my heart did she begin to share her wisdom.  In some cases agreement and in others a "well you need to remember...".  It was good, it was what I needed.

Outside of my bestie I have heard many times that I need to trust and that the process needs to happen and I have to wait it out.  The problem is that while the church battles over which children's ministry method needs to happen in the name of protecting young souls.  The very thing they fight over is being lost, both in the children and in there parents.  This is the cause of my moaning tears.

As I cry out that this hurts and my heart is broken those around me tell me I need to trust in them, in God, and in the process. That I need to forgive and that I need to work at not becoming bitter.  All good things, but after months they have not shown me where I am not following through in any of these areas.  Show me the ugly fruit of loosing trust, harboring bitterness and holding grudges.  Show me!  Ah, they can't under the guise of only God can see my heart.  Funny how while I am told He is the only one that can see my heart, yet they are so quick to judge that same heart. 

This causing me to feel betrayed by my church leaders and mentors.  I feel they are so wrapped up in the process of changing the hearts of the hardened that they don't have time for this bleeding one or those who have bled out before me.  It seems the process to them is more important then the hearts of those who strive to know Jesus more.  They say the goal is unity and while in word it is said they understand if some don't get on board they will be left behind while in action they are siding with those and watching the young who are passionate and the not yet friends of Jesus bleed on the battle field.  In my case rather then searching my heart they are asking "Sunday school" questions of "where is your heart--Have you forgiven, have you guarded yourself from bitterness, are you causing gossip, are your actions upsetting others, is there a possibility that your actions are upsetting others, are you trusting enough?"  As said before they are unwilling to show me my folly in turn causing me to hear this, "Your hurt must be the fault of your sin."  Hence the feeling of betrayal from those I have walked closely with.

Funny how my Bestie is willing to work at my heart to ask questions to push my mind to walk down paths it didn't know existed allowing my words to come where I knew no words to be.  Have I mentioned that my Bestie has walked this road with these same people and she still honestly searches my heart? 

Here's where I work

Music blares in the kitchen; straight up Satan worship.  One girl is all over any guy who will allow her all the while having a steady boyfriend outside of work...Having no respect for others they degrade one another...Sex, drugs, partying, steeling, the list goes on.  And this is where I, a follower of Jesus, work.

I. Love. It.

I am thriving in this place.  I'm building relationships with these people.  By simply following up on a major events they had or by busing there tables.  They see that I'm different.  Most have no idea how I feel toward Jesus.  Those who do can't believe that I would go to church because I'm not like those "holy" people that condemn them in the past.

Each day that I work I am convicted that these are the kind of people I am called too.  The crazy part is instead of being drained by this environment, it energizes me, it's even growing my relationship with Jesus.  As I see the love Jesus had for the prostitutes and those the religious considered scum, I value His love for me and each of those I work with so much more.

As the church goes I weep for the in action we as a whole take toward reaching them (myself included until just recently).  How many of us are friends with harlets, drug users, thieves, and so on?  How many of us even tolerate foul language?  If we don't befriend these people how will they know Jesus?

When the scribes and Pharisees saw that He was eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they said to His disciples, "Why is he eating and drinking with with the tax collectors and sinners?"  And hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but the sinners."~Jesus

If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there my servant will also be; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. ~ Jesus